The hooks under the bar

And why they should be everywhere.

One can develop a certain fatigue from trying to sift through all the restaurant and bar options in the Madison area and determine the right spot for a given outing. So many vibes and preferences to weigh! Will everyone be able to eat/drink something they like? How much do we need to actually be able to hear each other talk? How many people who frequent this bar have I alienated or annoyed? Without a way to cut through the Gordian knot and simplify this process, we can never know peace. 

But it turns out I really only want one thing: Hooks under the bar. 

Not every place has installed hooks beneath the bar surface itself or along the front wall supporting the bar, for hanging bags, coats, hats, or whatever. But the places that have thought to do this range from dives to high-end restaurants, and of course many points in between—think cozy neighborhood bars of various stripes, from Robin Room to the Malt House. In any setting, it translates on a basic creature-comfort level. It reminds us why we so often throw ourselves upon the mercy of service-industry professionals. Sit down. Find the hook. Hang up your stuff. There. You didn’t even have to get back up. You’re that much closer to settling in so that you can focus on a meal or a conversation with a friend or a chill bar-reading session. Well! Isn’t this civilized!

This requires just a few dollars’ worth of hardware and enough skill to screw one thing to another thing. Yet it says so much. That’s what I love about the hooks. It makes me feel good to know that someone out there was considerate enough to make the effort. Someone gets that we have things to do and crap to carry around, belongings they would rather not put on the floor, especially if it’s winter and people are inevitably tracking in crushed rock salt, sand, and melty snow. Ever put your winter coat over a barstool, then put it back on and discover that one of the sleeves has gotten all soggy from dangling on the floor? Horrid. 

People mostly refer to these things as purse hooks, in what little discourse exists about them. Purses are important, but there is a whole coalition of different user groups here, waiting to be activated in its full power. I represent the faction of annoying guys who carry around tote bags, and I’m ready to be a good ally. Let’s push these things from common to ubiquitous.

I talked with food writer and Tone Madison contributor Jesse Raub about this, mostly to see if I was making too much of the subject. 

“Bar hooks are one of the easiest indicators that someone is actually paying attention to their customers, in my opinion,” Raub says. “Bar hooks don’t serve a business at all—a lot of things like menu design and seating are specifically organized to help a restaurant sell food. Bar hooks are just there for the benefit of the customer.”

To add to Jesse’s point, hooks don’t add flash to a place. They don’t enhance whatever gimmick or niche a bar is trying to work. They don’t represent the kinds of small cost savings restaurants always look for to shore up their slim margins. They won’t help a place stand out in a crowded market like Madison. They don’t attract attention to themselves. They simply provide an unsexy piece of infrastructure that is (hopefully) there when you go looking for it.

There are other ways to accomplish the same end. The Crystal Corner Bar has cubbies under the bar, perfect for a place that already feels like a daycare or preschool for drunks. Young Blood Beer’s bar at Northstreet has these little stumpy pegs that more or less get the job done.

Hooks should be one of the amenities that show up in Google, Yelp, Facebook, etc. listings for bars. Yelp especially flags all sorts of things—parking (car or bike!), “Accepts Cryptocurrency,” noise levels, “Good for Groups.” Tell me about the hooks! Let’s drill down to the real decisive factors here! If your establishment has these humble little champions installed, perhaps you should brag about it a little more. I have seen very little of that.

After some searching, I could find only two places in the area that highlight this amenity on their websites, and only one of those is still in business. Lola’s Hi/Lo Lounge mentions on its FAQ page that “we do have small hangers underneath the bar,” while making a somewhat apologetic note about not having a coat check or coat hangers. The now-defunct 5100 Bar in McFarland noted on its about page: “All Bars are wider for comfort and have built-in power plugs, purse and coat hooks.” Well, OK.

When a place has hooks under the bar, I immediately feel more at ease there and judge it in a higher bracket. Sure, other variables will ultimately impact how much I like it, but the hooks give it an automatic power-up, a hefty chunk of goodwill to bank against any shortcomings or defects. Places that lack them can still be great. I will just continue to wish that they’d add some hooks.