This pizza bracket is harmless but also very wrong

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MICROTONES by Ben Munson, contributor

Tournaments are a fun distraction, even when the opponents won’t be facing off in any real competition. Setting up an imaginary one can be an interesting way to engage others in a conversation about who or what is best within a certain category. That was clearly the intent of Reddit user /DasSchnootz, who assembled a fun and perfectly harmless seeded bracket of 32 Madison-area pizza joints.

Hats off to DasSchnootz for getting the ball rolling on an important and very necessary discussion. With the pleasantries out of the way, please join me in becoming irate at the seeding of our most beloved pizza institutions.

First, let’s talk about the crime of forcing Pizza Brutta and Roman Candle to face off in round one. A Reddit user already commented on this atrocity, but it bears repeating that any respectable Madison-area pizza bracketologist would put both of those restaurants in the final four.

Secondly, if national pizza chains are going to be included, they might be better served by not automatically getting an eight seed and thusly dooming them in the first round. If they were seeded a little higher—and to be fair, Mod Pizza and Rocky Rococo received five and six seeds, respectively—there’s a decent chance Domino’s could take down Falbo Bros. and enjoy a short but glorious Cinderella run.

Finally, don’t even get me started on Pizza Di Roma being handed a seven seed. I’m seeing red over here! That place sells slices the size of bath mats and garlic knots the size of basketballs, all for reasonable prices. Seeding it lower than four is the devil’s work.

Still, this bracket does make some good choices. The decision to go low on Ian’s Pizza (six seed) and high on Buck’s (three seed) stands out and could make for some provocative twists along the way. And the pizza at Mt. Horeb Brewpub The Grumpy Troll is a bold choice for a two seed.

Take a look at the bracket, tell me what you think and explain to me why I haven’t heard of Naples 15 yet (it looks delightful). 

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New this week:

Madison-based musician Julian Lynch sat down for an extended conversation about his new album, Rat’s Spit.

Gabrielle Cordes explains the material and biological inspirations behind the artist’s show of sculptures at the Overture Center.

On the podcast, UW Cinematheque director Jim Healy discusses the campus film program’s embrace of 3-D.

Rob Dz is working on a rap album again and has released the first single.

The Messthetics announced a March 8 show at the High Noon Saloon.

Elsewhere on the Madison internet: Heartbreaking Bravery (aka occasional Tone Madison contributor Steven Spoerl) picks 18 favorite songs from 2018. Smash Mouth is playing Brat Fest. The Watershed Reading Series has launched a new podcast. Yves Tumor will play a January 31 show at the Memorial Union’s Play Circle theater.

This week’s Madison calendar: Vanishing Kids celebrate a new album at the Crystal Corner. Charly Bliss plays lovably snotty pop at the High Noon. The darkly comic thriller In Order Of Disappearance screens at the Marquee. And more.